


Testimony From the Parabellum

by jxdkid



Category: Lancer (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Angst, Are clones reasonable replacements, Contemplation of the self, I'm in love with the clone of my dead husband and I hate it, Mentions of Death, Other, death by fire, unsolved philosophical discussion, why did I make a relationship tag for a pair of original characters?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 10:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22848748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxdkid/pseuds/jxdkid
Summary: Communications Officer Pryce Colee interviews their crew mates on a mission gone wrong, the death of explosives expert, Niko Helly, and their opinions on his replacement.
Relationships: Niko Helly/Morgan Barret
Kudos: 2





	Testimony From the Parabellum

Testimonies from the Parabellum Crew on Ship Contract - 014 and the Death of **Niko Helly (Explosives Expert | He/Him)**.

 **Morgan Barrett (Engineer | They/Them)** is present only for the testimonies of **Karra Tinez (Quarter Master | She/Her)** and **Newton Woldt (Commander | She/Her)** as well as their own.

Recorded and compiled by **Pryce Colee (Communications | They/Them)**

 **Karra Tinez (Quarter Master | She/Her):** _We were hired by one of the baron states, the House of Mud, I think. Anyway, they were having trouble with one of their mining camps, the manufactured labor had modified their mining EVA suits into some kind of combat mechs. [Morgan corrects her] What? [Morgan repeats themself] Oh, right! Sorry. Not “manufactured labor”; they were slaves, malformed clones or the offspring there of, forced to work in the mines. We never claimed to be the good guys, but … *sighs* I guess we never really thought about it until that job. After Niko went down everything kinda changed, you know? We heard it happen, when he was hit, when he tried to fire back at them, when his system warned him, and then, and then when the missile misfired in the casing. It was fast, but it wasn’t instant, he *sighs* he screamed, his ejector was jammed, so he screamed as the fire reached the cockpit. Sometimes I think I can still hear it, in the silent moments, or the background of my nightmares. *quiet for a few seconds* I think I’m done. I don’t want to [I ask her to stay] I don’t want to keep talking about this, ok? Maybe later, I just can’t right now, okay?_

 **Newton Woldt (Commander | She/Her):** _[I explain where Karra left off in her retelling] Is this really the best use of your time? We all know what happened, we were there. [I explain that The Doctor said it would be helpful for our mental health]. *sighs* Fine. Ok, where did you say you were, House of Mud, Mining planet, Niko, the scream, right. The scream. It was … upsetting to say the least, but Morgan *pauses and looks to Morgan in the corner who nods* Morgan took it the hardest in the moment. The Doctor had already seen a fair share of death, Karra managed to hold it together ‘till the end, but, I’m not sure, Morgan … their usually fairly careful in combat, but after Niko went down, they were rabid. It was unsettling. We managed to force a retreat, but had it gone on for much longer I’m not sure that Morgan or their mech would have survived. *looks to Morgan then back to me* We took a vote, whether to stay and fight on or cut our loses. We gave Morgan Niko’s vote, it only seemed fair, even with that, we voted to leave. That would have been the end of it, if the baron representative hadn’t said anything_

 **The Doctor (Medical Expert | “Refer to me however you wish”):** _Our employers, offered us a clone of Niko. In all ways it was identical to our fallen friend except for the obvious fact that it wasn’t him. We were assured that the second Niko would have all of the memories as our friend up to his untimely demise. On all practical levels he should be the same man._

 **Reid “Binary Goddess” Belmont (Hacker | He/Him):** _I can’t even imagine what that must be like, to remember dying. Like I’ve died in a lot of Sim-runs but, you don’t feel that. He felt that fire on his skin. It’s just … what is that like? What does that do to someone?_

 **Morgan Barrett (Engineer | They/Them):** _I know what The Doctor said, but that isn’t Niko. [I ask them to elaborate] *sighs* Niko and I have a vid-link set up in our cockpits, I watched him die, the others just heard it, but I watched the man I love die, and now I see this thing that looks just like him walking the ~~fucking~~ halls, doing his ~~fucking~~ chores, calling out to me just like he did. *places their head in their hands* but sometimes I almost call out to it like its him; sometimes I catch myself watching him and smiling; sometimes I wonder why he’s sleeping down the hall and not in our bed; Sometimes I forget that he’s dead and that isn’t him and I can’t handle it._

**Niko Helly (Explosives Expert | He/Him):** _[We sat in silence for a few minutes, as he gathered his thoughts] My name is Niko Helly, I am the Parabellum Crew’s Explosives Expert, I use he/him pronouns, and some one like me died 3 weeks ago. [I attempt to assert that **he** had died 3 weeks ago] No, I was born 3 week ago, in the image and with the memories of the original Niko Helly. I was given his name, his job, and his memories. Who I am as a person, my personality, my opinions, and whatever else, have been determined by those memories, but I know I didn’t make any of them. Do you know what Niko’s first memory was? [I admit that I don’t] It was his 4th birthday, his parents got him a stuffed penguin, he didn’t know what it was, hadn’t learned about Cradle’s extinct species yet, but he loved it so much. *smiles before sighing and returning to his stoic expression* Now do you know what my first memory is? [I tell him that I assume its different] Yeah … my first memory is waking up in that vat for the first time, floating in nutrient fluid with tubes extending out of my body, through the glass I could see the scientists checking screens and pressing buttons. I could hear them through the glass, but I didn’t yet know the language, so looking back all I get is gibberish, but they looked at me with confusion, I don’t think I was supposed to be awake at that point, then they put back under. After that I remember Niko’s entire life until the end and then waking up in the vat again, just in time to be let out. At first, I thought I could ignore the fact that *preforms air-quotes* “My Life” was bracketed by proof that I’m not who I’m supposed to be, but then *sighs* Morgan. [I asked him to elaborate] Like I said earlier, my personality and options are informed by his memories, and Morgan was the love of his life, so they’re the love of my life as well, but every time they look at me I can see that it hurts them. They saw him die. They watched as he was engulfed in flames and died, I can’t even imagine what it must be like for them to see his face in mine._

**Reid “Binary Goddess” Belmont (Hacker | He/Him):** _I’ve seen the way he looks at them. He feels for them, but they can’t accept it. I don’t get why though. He’s back, good as new, probably a bit troubled from the death thing, but it’s still him, right? Is this just one of those romance things I don’t understand?_

**The Doctor (Medical Expert | Pronoun Indifferent):** _As I said before, the clone Niko is, in all practical ways, exactly like the original, however humans are not always practical. I believe that given time, it will be as if Niko never died. Both in that the emotional wounds of having heard it happen will heal, and with his clone being treated by all as if he was the original, even by Morgan, who broke my nose when I expressed this to them in person. I believe that they assumed I had meant that we would have forgotten about Niko’s death, but that will not be the case. Instead the new Niko will simply take over all of the original’s roles on the ship and in our minds. … I imagine that this idea was most upsetting to Morgan given the romantic role Niko had filled for them, so I do not blame them for breaking my nose, however I do believe that fear will delay the healing process._

**Morgan (Engineer | They/Them):** _Am I being selfish? It seems like I’m the only one hesitant to accept this the clone, but its just … it looks so much like him, exactly like him. They way he frowns, the way he walks, the way he eats, the way scratches his face, everything is exactly the same. He’s exactly like him, but I know he can’t be because Niko is dead._

**Niko Helly (Explosives Expert | He/Him):** _I am Niko and Niko is dead. Without me they would hurt but with me they hurt just the same. I remember them from time long past, in my body born anew. I see their glares and their glances but know not how they feel. It hurts me in life as I have hurt them in death. Would it be more selfish to live the life of the departed or to join him in our grave?_

**Transmission Ends**


End file.
